The Geographical: Why Moving Abroad Doesn’t Outrun Our Destructive Patterns
- joe amos
- Apr 25
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 26
In recovery circles, we often come across the term ‘a geographical.’ It refers to that moment when, facing difficult or destructive patterns, we decide the solution is to simply change our location. We might move towns, or—more radically—change countries. It is a very understandable belief: that changing our scenery will finally change our internal struggles.
But as many of us discover, once the six-month "honeymoon period" fades, the new country starts to lose its initial appeal as the mundanities of life set in. We are met with the unpleasant realisation that we are the one thing we cannot leave behind. As a counsellor who has navigated both the complexities of living abroad and the journey of recovery, I have seen how the stress of an international transition can actually breathe new life into old dependencies.
I want to be clear: moving to another country is a fantastic thing. But we must move for the right reasons, staying honest with ourselves about our behaviours.
The Danger of the Expat Transition
A famous author once said, "After the ecstasy, the laundry." That perfectly describes this transition. The first six months are often fueled by adrenaline—the new sights, the sounds, the vibrant culture. You feel you are on cloud nine. But eventually, the laundry returns. This period of cultural adjustment is a high-risk window for mental health, creating a "perfect storm" of triggers:
1. The Loss of Accountability
Back home, you were anchored to a place. You had a network of friends, family, and colleagues. Even if it were just a quick chat with a neighbour or the bloke in the corner shop, those moments gave you a sense of being "seen and witnessed." In a new country, those anchors are gone. You are a blank slate. While that anonymity might be what you initially wanted, it brings a dangerous loss of accountability. If you are using compulsive behaviours to cope with the stress of the move, there is no one to hold up a mirror to your behaviour. This "consequence-free" environment allows coping mechanisms to escalate.
2. The Isolation of the Language Barrier
Nothing fuels destructive patterns like loneliness. If you aren't yet fluent in the local language, it is incredibly difficult to form deep, supportive relationships. You are no longer a tourist; you are a resident facing a significant barrier to connection. That sense of isolation is a profound challenge for those of us struggling with internal shadows.
3. The Vacation Mindset
I am acquainted with Italian UK expat communities, and what I have seen is that alcohol plays a significant role in socialising. There are a lot of social events, and wine is a cheap, celebrated part of the culture. But there is a trap here: the Italians are living their everyday lives—they don’t drink like the Brits. If your frame of reference for being abroad is "letting your hair down," that vacation mindset can persist long after the holiday is over. It becomes a way to numb the fear that your new life is actually quite frightening.
What "Geographic Escapism" Looks Like in Therapy
When clients come to me for counselling, they rarely start by naming a specific destructive pattern. Instead, they present with the symptoms of a difficult transition:
“I’m feeling a deep nostalgia and homesickness. Did I make the right decision?”
“Without my family nearby, my relationship is under so much pressure.”
“I feel guilty because I should be happy in this beautiful place, but I feel more empty than ever.”
“I’m constantly on edge; a bottle of wine is the only thing that helps me relax.”
How Counselling Can Help
If you are struggling, it is vital to remember: this is not a moral failing. It is a coping mechanism that has simply stopped working. As someone with experience in both the expat journey and recovery, I provide a unique, non-judgemental space to:
Identify Your Triggers: Understanding what "expat stress" looks like for you.
Build a Global Support System: Finding ways to stay grounded and accountable, even when you are thousands of miles from home.
Reclaim Your Move: Shifting the narrative from "escaping" your past to "evolving" into your future.
Ready to Start Your True Fresh Start?
You don't have to carry the weight of your past into your new future. If you’re finding it hard to cope with the pressure of living abroad, reach out.
Comments