Men, Anxiety, and the Courage to Reach Out: How Person-Centred Counselling Can Help

Anxiety, Coping Strategies, and How Counselling Can Help

I want to talk about three things that mean a lot to me: anxiety, the ways we try to cope with it, and how counselling can help.

My name is Joe, and I’m a counsellor—but I also have a long-time friend called anxiety. Since we know each other well, I thought I’d share some thoughts with you about them.

Anxiety (you are not alone)

If you feel anxious, you’re not alone. The World Health Organization (1) says over 300 million people worldwide struggle with anxiety. But what does that really mean? Some anxiety is normal—it’s part of part of being alive. But it becomes a problem when it gets in the way of everyday life.

What might anxiety look like?

• Finding it hard to focus or make decisions

• Always expecting the worst to happen

• Struggling to sleep

• Thinking about the same thing over and over with no solution in sight

These are just a few signs, but living with anxiety every day can be exhausting.

Coping Strategies

Maybe you’ve tried to find ways to deal with anxiety and stress. You might have turned to things like alcohol, drugs, pornography, relationships, or gambling to help ease the pain.

Take alcohol, for example. It might feel like it helps to calm the mind, but does it? Studies show that drinking to deal with stress might help for a little while, but soon after, the anxiety comes back and possibly even worse.(2) This can turn into a painful cycle—drinking to relax, then feeling more anxious, then drinking again. It’s the same with other coping methods—doing the same thing again again and expecting different results.

How Counselling Can Help?

Maybe you’re at a point where you want to try something different. I believe counselling can help.

Reaching out for counselling takes courage. It means you know something isn’t right, and that’s an important first step. What can you expect from counselling? Primarily you will be wanting to look for a counsellor that meets you with respect and without judgment. You’ll want to feel free to talk about what’s been going on and to take this at your own pace. Building trust together will be the counsellor’s top priority. Studies show that the relationship in counselling is key. (3)

Through talking together you might start to discover that your coping strategies come from places of shame, fear, trauma, anger, or depression. In therapy, the counsellor offers a safe space where you can explore these. You’ll have the chance to express what’s been left unsaid, reconnect with yourself, and find a way forward toward growth and freedom.

Sessions will give you the opportunity to look at what triggers your anxiety and how you respond to it. Over time, things might start to change. You might feel less numb, less alone. You’ll have a place where you can talk openly without shame or guilt. And you may start to see that your emotions won’t overwhelm you. In fact, they might be the key to feeling better and finding new ways to deal with life.

The way you’ve been coping might not have brought you the lasting peace you’re looking for. Changing habits is hard and so it is really brave to start on this journey of transformation.

I hope what I have communicated is useful to both those who are just curious about counselling and those who are looking to start and are wondering what’s it all about. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope our paths cross in the future.

1. World Health Organization ‘Anxiety disorders’ https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders

2. Stephen, S., Elliott, R., & Macleod, R. (2011). Person-centred therapy with a client experiencing social anxiety difficulties: a hermeneutic single case efficacy design. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 11, 55-66.

3. Horvath & Symonds, (1991) The Importance of the Therapeutic Alliance Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology Vol. 61, No. 4,561-573