Men, Anxiety, and the Courage to Reach Out: How Person-Centred Counselling Can Help

Behind every cloud there is a blue sky

For us men it can be difficult to talk about anxiety. I know anxiety has been a good friend of mine! It can feel confusing, frustrating, even shameful—especially when the outside world expects you to keep it together. But anxiety is something many men experience, often in silence. If you’ve ever thought “I’m struggling mentally”, you’re not alone. This is a fact. The World Health Organization (1) says over 300 million people worldwide struggle with anxiety.

But what does that really mean? Some anxiety is normal—it’s part of part of being alive. However, it becomes a problem when it gets in the way of everyday life.

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

May be you recognise some of these signs:

• Constantly worried and being unable to switch off

• Feeling on edge

• Overthinking especially at night

• Feeling irritable

• A constant tight chest

• Trouble concentrating or making decisions

• Sleep problems

• Avoiding people and situations because they feel overwhelming

For some men anxiety might not feel emotional but may show up as anger or tension or the need to stay constantly busy. When we consider the overall picture living with anxiety can be exhausting so it is only natural to look for a solution.

Unhelpful Ways of Coping

To get through the day, many men turn to coping strategies that seem to help in the short term, but often make things worse over time. These might include:

• Using alcohol, drugs, or food to numb or escape difficult feelings

• Overworking or staying constantly busy to avoid stopping and feeling (“can’t switch off”)

• Withdrawing from friends, family, or relationships

• Controlling behaviours—trying to keep everything together to avoid feeling out of control

• Getting angry or shutting down emotionally, especially when overwhelmed

Let’s take one of these: alcohol. It might feel like it helps to calm the mind, but does it really? Studies show that drinking to deal with stress might help for a little while, but soon after, the anxiety comes back and possibly even worse. (2) This can turn into a painful cycle—drinking to relax, then feeling more anxious, then drinking to relieve that and so on. It’s the same with the other coping methods we have listed—doing the same thing again again and expecting different results. In fact, the result might be less connection and more feelings of isolation and disconnect.

How can Person-Centred Counselling Help with anxiety?

I am a Person-Centred counsellor, and you may be wondering how can Person-Centred counselling help me with my anxiety?

I believe you already have the inner resources to move forward. My role is to walk alongside you as you explore what’s going on beneath the surface. What can you expect from counselling?

• Sessions will give you the opportunity to look at what triggers your anxiety and how you respond to it.

• You’ll have a space to speak openly—without shame or guilt.

• Through talking together, you may begin to see that your coping strategies come from places of shame, fear, trauma, anger, or depression.

• You’ll have the chance to express what’s been left unsaid and reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been hidden or silenced.

• Over time, you may start to feel less numb and less alone.

• You may begin to realise that your emotions won’t overwhelm you.

• In fact, your emotions might be the key to feeling better and discovering a new way forward.

In our sessions, I’ll meet you with respect, without judgment. We’ll talk about what’s been going on, and we’ll take things at your own pace. Building trust will be our top priority. Studies show that the relationship in counselling is key. (3)

The way you’ve been coping might not have brought you the lasting peace you’re looking for. Changing habits is hard and so it is really brave to start on this path of change.

Reaching out for counselling takes courage. It means you know something isn’t right, and that’s an important first step. It may be the first time you’ve really admitted ‘I’m struggling mentally’.

I hope I have communicated something useful to both those who are just curious about counselling and those who are looking to start and are wondering what’s it all about. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope our paths will cross in the future.

(Article for Men's Counselling Service 2025)

1. World Health Organization ‘Anxiety disorders’ https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders

2. Stephen, S., Elliott, R., & Macleod, R. (2011). Person-centred therapy with a client experiencing social anxiety difficulties: a hermeneutic single case efficacy design. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 11, 55-66.

3. Horvath & Symonds (1991) The Importance of the Therapeautic Alliance Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology Vol. 61, No. 4,561-573